


fools

by SoftForDream



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Rejection, Sad Ending, Self Confidence Issues, Tears, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:15:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28798254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftForDream/pseuds/SoftForDream
Summary: a songshot based off of the song 'FOOLS' by troye sivan
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	fools

_“When I first met you over the internet, when my eyes first laid upon your damned pixelated character, I didn’t expect us to come as far as we did. When I first heard your voice over the, now discarded, cheap headphones, when I first heard your dumb laugh, I didn’t expect us to come as far as we did. But hey, look at where we are now, isn’t it amazing what time can actually do?_

_There are so many memories I want to write about, yet, there are too many of them, so here I am, trying to express my feelings on a parchment of paper._

_Is that stupid, or valid?_

_I don’t know._

_But look, here I’ll go and explain every single thing I have felt so far when I’m around you, around people in general. There will probably be a lot to read, yet, at the same time, nothing. My feelings tend to be sprawled all over the place, full of illogical thoughts and reckless actions, but that’s what makes me who I am, right? Sometimes, I wish I could express myself better whilst talking, but that never really works out for us, does it?”_

•

George sighed as he crumpled up yet another piece of paper, before he threw it in the direction of his trash can, missing the hoop by a mere few inches. He was quite heavily annoyed with the task he has been given to complete, which resulted into his mind being a flurry of messed up thoughts and curses, aimed at his therapist. The frustration running through his body was slowly driving him crazy, but at the same time, he couldn’t do anything to get rid of it. 

Sure, it was a good idea to write his stupid feelings down, but it was quite hard to do so, when his heart still ached inside his chest, especially as so many memories ran through his head.

There was so much to write, as he has said there was, however he didn’t have the time, will, nor good headspace to do that.

It just hurt too much for him to comprehend.

But, he still went out of his way and tried to compose something decent.

Again.

•

_“Dear Clay,_

_I’m writing this letter to you, because I wanted to express everything I’ve felt towards you in the time we’ve known each other.”_

•

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” He muttered to himself as he tore the paper apart and left it to gracefully fall down onto the floor. Tears of frustration were building up in his eyes, yet they weren’t strong enough to fall. The boy was desperate to escape from his thoughts, his feelings, everything in general, still, he hadn’t gotten far at all. Quite on the contrary, he felt like he was digging himself a deeper hole which he was already in. 

Needless to say he was tired of this place.

He was far beyond exhausted from having to deal with life, he was tired of having to put up with people who will never go out of their way to change for the better, so he was left to get dragged even further down. Sometimes, he just wanted to grow a pair of wings and fly; fly away from reality and into his own world of fantasies, which were filled with happiness and pure state of relaxation, two things which he’ll probably never be able to experience whilst surrounded by toxic people and even more toxic of an environment. 

It was inescapable.

With his head in his hands, with his fingers gripping his hair, with his face scrunched up in agony, he let those tears fall. With each drop which ran down his cheeks, his heart tore open further and further, with each moment passing, more memories nestled themselves deeper into his brain, with each sob that broke through his mouth, he could feel himself plunging deeper and deeper into the depths of his thoughts.

He missed _him_ so much.

Why was he so reckless to fall for someone like Clay? Someone so close to him, yet so far out of his reach. He should’ve been more careful, he shouldn't have expected anything to blossom between them, so why did that still happen? Why had there been a spark of hope nestled inside his heart? Why had he been enveloped by the immense force of his fantasies, when reality was right in front of him? Looking back upon it, he couldn’t help keep from frowning, since what he was remembering were the good times, times when Clay was someone to him, someone who was a constant in his life.

He needed time, desperately.

He needed time to replace what he had given away, or rather what he had lost along the way of falling in love.

Pieces of his heart.

What used to be there of his metaphorical heart, was now in pieces. Though it was his fault to begin with, no one asked him to fall in love with his previous best friend, no one told him that moving on was going to be as painful as something that’s more than just abnormal. 

There were so many nights after his feelings had finally bubbled up to the surface, where he would just cry and cry whilst his fingers itched to grasp his phone and dial the familiar number, despite knowing that the call would not run through. There were so many nights after his confession, when he would grip his hair and clutch at his pillow, desperate to feel some sort of comfort, despite there not being anyone to help him through it all.

Then, there were mornings when he couldn’t resist, mornings when he would give in to the desire to call the number.

He wanted him, he wanted more than what they used to be, he wanted it all, but at the end of the day, it was moments like those which resulted in the most tears being shed. Days like those tended to break him into pieces, either because of being reminded that Clay had blocked his number, or maybe because he missed the voice of his best friend.

He missed his laugh the most. 

•

“ _Sometimes I wonder how it would’ve been if you had liked me back then. I wonder if you liked me back, I would finally see your face, thought that the trust would grow even stronger, thought that we would have met up at some point. I wonder if I never said anything, would we still be friends right now? There’s the main problem, I don’t know._

_I don’t know, and no matter how much I wish to know, it’s not going to happen._

_You made it clear you wanted me out of your life, so I have nothing to dwell on right now._

_So why am I still not over you? Our friendship? Why am I still asking myself these pointless questions, why am I dragging myself further and further into the depths of the unknown? Why do I keep on trying to get answers, when we’re far more than done._

_I thought that our friendship was unbreakable._

_When I had asked Nick for advice as to what to do about my feelings, he said that our friendship was too strong for it to be affected by my feelings, why was he wrong? Why was I so naive to believe him? Why did I have to go and lose you out of all people, when you knew you were my strongest pillar which held me up?_

_I miss you.”_

•

The tears were slowly dropping down onto the new piece of paper, smearing the ink and ruining the writing.

“I miss you so much, I’m so sorry.” 

Why was he such a fool for falling in love with someone who was never going to love him back the way he loved him, why did he have to fall in love with some sort of an angel? He could just as well go and blame the immense flirting for causing the feelings to develop in the first place, but he knew it was far more than just that. He knew that it was Clay’s personality which had lured him into the trap called love, but at least he could say his first love was someone who deserved it.

His hands were shaking, especially his left one which was holding the pen. He was on the verge of breaking it, but he refrained himself from doing so, seeing as it wouldn’t really give him any sort of satisfaction whatsoever.

They never collided in the first place, and he was aware of that. So why? Why him of all people? 

The pen grasped in his palm slowly slipped, just like he had. It fell onto his desk with a loud noise, but he didn’t mind, seeing since the silence was suffocating him. Its hold was getting more and more intense, to the point where he couldn’t intake air normally whilst sobs shook his body from head to toe. The tears which were running down his cheeks were getting heavier, faster and more frequent, as the fragments of his memories started to get overwhelming.

It was here where the difference between them could be seen.

George was weak.

Clay wasn’t.

George was crying, missing him, and at the same time, he was reliving their happiest memories.

Clay, on the other hand, probably didn’t even glance back at their friendship. On the contrary, George even dared to believe that the blond was happier without having to deal with an excuse of a friend which was George. 

The weight piled up on top of his shoulders was weighing him down, slowly but surely making him want to drown in his self pity. Ever since the truth broke through, the whole online community has been confused as to what happened to the Dream Team. It’s been two weeks since any of them streamed, posted or said anything, so people had connected the dots that something may have happened between them.

And they were right.

•

_“Dear Dream, I love you, but you don’t love me back.”_

•

Frustration, sadness and exhaustion were all simultaneously tugging at his heartstrings, in the process hurting him more than they should.

The anger which he was feeling was the cause as to why he abruptly pushed himself away from where he was sitting by the desk, to the middle of the room. He was silent as he stood up and walked over to the mirror on the wall, before he let his eyes wander all over his face. He was dying to see what was so bad about him, so Clay didn’t like him. 

Was it the bags under his eyes? Or was it the fact that his hair was also far more messy than what was considered normal? Was it the fact that he was short and a literal stick that caused Clay to not like him? Was it his high pitched voice, his dumb accent? Were his lips too small? Was his nose too pointy? Were his eyes boring? 

Was it the fact that he was a boy?

“Am I not good enough?” He whispered to his reflection in the mirror, then proceeded to let his fingers touch the cold surface in front of him.

“Was I never good enough?” He continued, as his hand trailed down further. It was like he was touching his own face, but not directly. It was rather a weird sight to see, but he couldn’t care less, all that mattered was that it felt like he was comforting himself in some kind of way, despite knowing he wasn’t. On another hand, it was better acting like this than drowning himself in alcohol, right? 

Another sigh escaped out of his mouth.

It was too much.

His thoughts were too much for him to comprehend and deal with right now.

Conveniently, as soon as he thought about that, his phone buzzed from where it was sat atop of his desk. His heart lurched inside his chest, yet disappointment replaced it soon after, mostly since he knew it wasn’t Clay who was texting him. The only thing he could bet on was that it was either some sort of a twitter notification or a random message from one of his friends.

Friends which weren’t Clay.

He was correct about who it was, one of his friends. Actually, it was the person who encouraged him to confess his feelings in the first place. No, he wasn’t mad at Nick for trying to help him, but he was a bit bitter about how the boy didn’t suffer any consequences, much like he had. If anything, he should be happy that at least two thirds of the friend group were hanging on, but that wasn’t the case right now. It was probably due to how mad he was about what he was going through right now, maybe it was purely based on how sad he was about it, still, he shouldn’t be angry at Nick. If anything, he’s currently mad at himself.

**Nicky**

_George? Are you okay? You haven’t talked to anyone in a week_.

**Read at; 4.30 AM**

He considered leaving the boy on read, but he couldn’t bring himself to. After all, Nick was mostly the only person he had talked to after the Dream Team unofficially fell apart. And it was his fault.

**Georgie**

_Yeah I’m alright_.

**Read at; 4.31 AM**

**Nicky**

_Want to talk about it? I can get on Discord if you want?_

**Read at; 4.31 AM**

**Georgie**

_There’s nothing to talk about. I’m fine._

**Read at; 4.31 AM**

**Nicky**

_You know that’s not true. I know that’s not true._

**Read at; 4.32 AM**

**Georgie**

_I’m gonna be fine, don’t worry about it_.

**Read at; 4.32 AM**

**Nicky**

_What’s going on with you, George? It’s like you’re a completely different person._

**Read at; 4.32 AM**

**Georgie**

_You want to know what happened? Clay did_.

**Read at; 4.33 AM**

**Nicky**

_He misses you. I promise_.

**Read at; 4.33 AM**

**Georgie**

_We both know he doesn’t_.

**Read at; 4.34 AM**

**Nicky**

_But he probably does, though_.

**Read at; 4.34 AM**

**Georgie**

_Nick, it’s fine. Stop feeding me words that I want to hear. I’ll be fine, I promise. I just need some time to move on_. 

**Read at; 4.34 AM**

He’s not going to be fine. He knows that this blow to the heart isn’t going away any time soon, but he was okay. Well, he was going to be okay, right now, not so much. With that, he shut his phone off, placed it back onto his bedside shelf and let himself fall back into his chair, before he returned back to his desk, retrieved another piece of paper and grabbed his pen, before he started writing again.

•

_“Only fools fall for you, Clay._

_And I was one of them.”_

•

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry if this sucked, it was a tad bit rushed
> 
> if you maybe liked it, drop a kudos mayhaps?
> 
> also, this was the result of my server's writing event. it was fun, ngl, so if you want to join the server, here's the link;
> 
> https://discord.gg/tRTqH4s
> 
> also, follow me on twitter; softfordream 
> 
> :)


End file.
